Mālō e lelei Antonio, Wow that was an exciting story! I liked the way you built up the danger as it went. There was lots of danger and excitement for the reader to get caught up in. Next time you could try adding some more WOW words to heighten the peril you are in. You could also describe how you felt, was your skin tingling, your heart beating rapidly...? I'm glad you managed to rescue the people and survived to tell another tale : ) Megan
Mālō e lelei Antonio, Wow that was an exciting story! I liked the way you built up the danger as it went. There was lots of danger and excitement for the reader to get caught up in. Next time you could try adding some more WOW words to heighten the peril you are in. You could also describe how you felt, was your skin tingling, your heart beating rapidly...? I'm glad you managed to rescue the people and survived to tell another tale : ) Megan
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